I believe I can fly :)

Believe me, this is not becoming a habit of mine to link to youtube videos on every post - but this is exactly what I feel like today -

This goes back to my post on people in my life and those who have passed through my life - but had to put this down - sometimes inspiration comes when you expect it the least - let's say I have found people and things to be thankful for even in my deepest darkest despair :). By just being themselves they made an example of how I could be better..... so how do I thank you !!


Given the current social media taking over the world and me being a total introvert - I sometimes feel I don't fit in - or rather is there anyone else like me - or rather where are all the people like me ? I wish there could be an app - search for people like you. :) But I guess that's what makes meeting new people or even seeing the old people in your life in a new light - so interesting. Because people change and even if you think you have them figured out - you really don't.

Though the next lines are not a logical sequence of whatever I was saying previously and because I am all over the place today - I might as well the thousands of thoughts running through my head as it is. I was reading my old posts and I really miss that me - rant rant rant :).

So anyways, till I have thoughts that are too big to fit into twitter, not really facebookii, too small for a book, I think blog is where I'll be.

A Tribute

As a little girl I always dreamed of making a stage appearance - bowing in front of thunderous applause and shining in the limelight. (no, don't call me attention crazy yet :P)
Anyway so I think I always mentally have had this speech ready and whether you like it or not - you get to be my practice audience. :P

Well what better day to say this than the eve of my 30th birthday - as all speeches go I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart everybody who has touched my life in some way or the other. I realize today that people like you are so rare - I wish, when I had the opportunity that I had treasured those fleeting moments more - of your companionship or your kindness or your love or your friendship or your smile. Everybody including those strangers or even chance acquaintances, who went out of their way to not snub or look down upon or show their contempt, but instead to lift another, to make another life better, to share and to grow and to make another welcome - your thoughts and acts are remembered and cherished.

At a juncture when I have suffered meanness, discrimination and injustice, it is easier for me to fall back on all those memories. By no means do I consider myself poorer for having gone through these experiences, but I wish I could be given the chance to recreate the happier memories in my life. As for Joy, and my family who continue to support me and bear with my unrelenting rants - I promise and hope that I can treasure you forever. My greatest and best birthday gift will always be just that - your love.

In the past few days of countdown to my 30th birthday, I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Whether when I woke up on my birthday - I would have another broken tooth, another gray hair or another wrinkle appearing from nowhere (not that any of these exist in reality :)).But even though nothing earth shattering is going to happen tomorrow, except perhaps the doom day prophecy coming true - yes tomorrow is supposed to be the day - I wanted to end on this note - with a tribute to all of you.

 

A little piece of heaven

Mood meter on the high today - so you can expect a little out of the blue cheerful post from me maybe ..... or maybe not :).

Joy and I went off on one of our random weekend impulses today - Seattle weather wasn't supposed to cooperate but Aladdin's gyros were beckoning and those are calls you can't ignore. (For the uninitiated, Aladdin's is a great little middle eastern food place - and serves an amazing gyro if you want to ever try it out.)

Surprisingly enough, Seattle changed it's mood as well and decided to turn its sunny side out. What happened as a result was we crossed over the 520 bridge with placid calm blue waters on one side and rocky gray waves of Lake Washington on the other. Joy of course had to keep his eyes fixed on the road and the speedometer.

If he could have sneaked a peek, this is what he would have seen: an expanse of gray water marked by white crests spread out under blue skies - over the blue heavens hurried past wisps and cotton rolls of white and gray cumulus clouds in all their glory - all this provided the backdrop for  a line of verdant trees, signifying all the different shades of green and spring (yes spring not summer). Imagine this in a U-shape if you will, with the bridge we were on cutting across the top of it. Towards the far south, where Mt.Rainier is visible on an exceptionally clear day, the clouds had gathered together and yet were letting shimmers of light pass - and it looked nothing if not like a piece of heaven had parted to show its jealousy of earth's beauty. It was so breath-takingly beautiful - I wish if I could, to have forever captured the scene in my minds camera.

There have been so many such realizations for both Joy and me - that we have lost count now. Seattle just makes up its mind to make you fall in love with it and it does.  Mountains bordering on water and blue skies - and not on either north or south or east or west but all around, whichever way you look. Mt.Rainier looms up over the city in the south. From there all along the east boundary stretch the Cascades - peak against peak against peak. They end with Mt.Baker looming in the north. A little blue sky from there and then rear up the Olympics - if you look closely, you can perhaps see the snow filled crater of Mt.Olympus. And all I have to do to see this is step out of my house.

Yesterday was akhay tritiya - the day is regarded as one where what you do stays akhato or undestroyed forever.  Yesterday also happened to be the day I took a long awaited first step of making my life better. It felt like the world had been waiting for me to take that step, and now that I had it would do what it had to to set the ball rolling. It wasn't until a little later, that I realized I felt lighter - lighter than I have felt in the whole of last year. Sometimes somethings are just not meant to work for you, you are just not meant to be there or not meant to fit in and try as you might - things only go from bad to worse. When I had moved to my current position, don't believe me if you don't want to but every bone in my body had been shouting "no". I had chosen to ignore that voice - lesson learnt - never ever and I mean never ever don't listen to your gut instinct - it's what is the uncanny sixth sense, the unconscious mind eye that is your own protection - it won't lie ever - and it sees more than you with your two open eyes ever will.

For the last few days, I have been trying to retrospect and I have been finding it harder than what I thought - more so because it seems in the last year I have put layer over layer over layer over my heart and so to listen to it, I am having to literally dig and peel at the same time :) .......... if you know what I mean.

I am proud of myself for having stuck it out longer than I thought I could have or would have. But it's time I stared my mistake in its face and moved on. I know I am meant for other things (note: the lack of the word "better" :P) just as those other things are meant for me. It was a good stay, I learnt the most about myself and more so about people, but its time to move on. It will still take some time for things to actually change - but in my heart of hearts (which is what it seems I think with), I know it is the right decision.