Today is one of those random days - I got up in the morning and decided to take off from work. No special reason - I had ended up working the weekend and among other things I felt I needed a break to just not think about office, email, code-reviews. Well that's not happening very well - even though I have firmly shut the office laptop - I am not managing to keep work out of my head all the time and can't keep my thoughts from wandering in the direction of "what's next at work" list or how to go about doing it.
I started off with gardening - isn't that supposed to be relaxing and soothing. But I had changed the faster growing plants to bigger pots and watered them and finished with it under an hour. So I decided to watch a movie - atleast it would give me that parallel reality to escape into. My choice was No one killed Jessica. It's a very well made movie - very realistically told - and the more reaction causing because it is based on a true story.
The year was 2006 - my second year at Grad school. I remember hearing about it and reading about it - and that was all. Today while watching the movie - I feel I have not been fighting India's wars - not been a part of the revolutions which have swept across the country since 2005. The few days of visit - the hellos and sumptuous breakfast-lunch-dinner invitations and back to a I wouldn't call it boring but mundane existence where the biggest wars we fight everyday are probably the fire-fights and deadlines at work - at least till the point that our family grows. :)
From what I get to hear from my mother - every day at home in India starts with a struggle - the innumerable dependencies in the chain and the havoc that results when one of the links decides to go missing - which of course is the normal everyday routine - the going missing. I miss India a lot (I guess more in the aftermath of movies you could say :)) - I miss the life the vibrancy - the part of me which will forever be there. You would say I am romanticizing it, me and my very Bengali idealism - when I live the life I won't cry for it so much anymore. I probably won't - I will probably complain/groan and throw up my hands in despair but I will also probably live.
Everything is fine here - on the surface of it - when I don't think. Work is great and challenging (now - infact I had to take off today because I have been too interested and too bogged down and almost working or thinking about work 24x7) . Work culture has always been good but the team right now is pretty neat. I know what or where I want to be - have a clear direction - all you need to do is close your eyes and follow the path. But as far as everything else is concerned - life seems so insipid. And the romantic, adventurous, so-far-timid-but-wanting-to-be-courageous in me is revolting. Every human being wants that much more - and I guess what I want is to be back in India. :)
A fool's journey - but that's what I have been doing all my life. I left my school when I was in class V and then went back after a month. I left the org in my company I had the most fun working in and came back after one and a half years. Now maybe it is time to return to my country after 7 years.
I keep coming back to the same things throughout my blog and I guess scaring all my readers away because of it - you fall in love with a place for the place or for the people ! I am sure the answer differs from each to the next. I fall in love with a place - because I am not/have never been the social guru. I think I have done most of what I wanted to do in life - see some places - travel the world a bit - and be able to show my family those places. I have seen some heavens on earth and luckily been able to share them with the most important people in my life. I am happy and now I can feel the stupor of becoming old - and wanting to cling on to my roots and settle. :) Scoff as much as you like - it could also be the afternoon depression just setting in. So much for random thoughts and nostalgia - well at least it got me writing again.
I started off with gardening - isn't that supposed to be relaxing and soothing. But I had changed the faster growing plants to bigger pots and watered them and finished with it under an hour. So I decided to watch a movie - atleast it would give me that parallel reality to escape into. My choice was No one killed Jessica. It's a very well made movie - very realistically told - and the more reaction causing because it is based on a true story.
The year was 2006 - my second year at Grad school. I remember hearing about it and reading about it - and that was all. Today while watching the movie - I feel I have not been fighting India's wars - not been a part of the revolutions which have swept across the country since 2005. The few days of visit - the hellos and sumptuous breakfast-lunch-dinner invitations and back to a I wouldn't call it boring but mundane existence where the biggest wars we fight everyday are probably the fire-fights and deadlines at work - at least till the point that our family grows. :)
From what I get to hear from my mother - every day at home in India starts with a struggle - the innumerable dependencies in the chain and the havoc that results when one of the links decides to go missing - which of course is the normal everyday routine - the going missing. I miss India a lot (I guess more in the aftermath of movies you could say :)) - I miss the life the vibrancy - the part of me which will forever be there. You would say I am romanticizing it, me and my very Bengali idealism - when I live the life I won't cry for it so much anymore. I probably won't - I will probably complain/groan and throw up my hands in despair but I will also probably live.
Everything is fine here - on the surface of it - when I don't think. Work is great and challenging (now - infact I had to take off today because I have been too interested and too bogged down and almost working or thinking about work 24x7) . Work culture has always been good but the team right now is pretty neat. I know what or where I want to be - have a clear direction - all you need to do is close your eyes and follow the path. But as far as everything else is concerned - life seems so insipid. And the romantic, adventurous, so-far-timid-but-wanting-to-be-courageous in me is revolting. Every human being wants that much more - and I guess what I want is to be back in India. :)
A fool's journey - but that's what I have been doing all my life. I left my school when I was in class V and then went back after a month. I left the org in my company I had the most fun working in and came back after one and a half years. Now maybe it is time to return to my country after 7 years.
I keep coming back to the same things throughout my blog and I guess scaring all my readers away because of it - you fall in love with a place for the place or for the people ! I am sure the answer differs from each to the next. I fall in love with a place - because I am not/have never been the social guru. I think I have done most of what I wanted to do in life - see some places - travel the world a bit - and be able to show my family those places. I have seen some heavens on earth and luckily been able to share them with the most important people in my life. I am happy and now I can feel the stupor of becoming old - and wanting to cling on to my roots and settle. :) Scoff as much as you like - it could also be the afternoon depression just setting in. So much for random thoughts and nostalgia - well at least it got me writing again.
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