I can't imagine it's been nearly 10 months since my last post. I feel like I keep coming back to my blog now ... only when I need to draw sustenance from it, from writing.
I felt life was treating me unfairly - well I get the chance to complain about that only when life is not looking up. :) But if I do take the time to look around and actually listen, I find everyone is struggling with it. If it's not stress or depression which the lesser confident among us fall easy prey to, it is worry and anxiety, or solitude or pressure.......
I can't believe that in the last year I could have let my life take so much a turn for the worse that I hardly feel confident of me being me anymore. That last bit of self-esteem, the last indelible or so-I-thought principles which I hold on to so tightly could have been completely eroded from me. So can it come as a surprise that I feel I have been striped of everything ..... the building blocks that I built on my career on no longer stand true.
I feel like an imposter if I call myself a computer science engineer, or software developer or anything remotely connected with it. I know I am being hard against myself but who or what else can I turn against.
Should I pick up the pieces and move on ... but move on to what ... the same life elsewhere ?
I felt life was treating me unfairly - well I get the chance to complain about that only when life is not looking up. :) But if I do take the time to look around and actually listen, I find everyone is struggling with it. If it's not stress or depression which the lesser confident among us fall easy prey to, it is worry and anxiety, or solitude or pressure.......
I can't believe that in the last year I could have let my life take so much a turn for the worse that I hardly feel confident of me being me anymore. That last bit of self-esteem, the last indelible or so-I-thought principles which I hold on to so tightly could have been completely eroded from me. So can it come as a surprise that I feel I have been striped of everything ..... the building blocks that I built on my career on no longer stand true.
I feel like an imposter if I call myself a computer science engineer, or software developer or anything remotely connected with it. I know I am being hard against myself but who or what else can I turn against.
Should I pick up the pieces and move on ... but move on to what ... the same life elsewhere ?
2 comments:
I'd say that an answer to this kind of feeling is Faith-holding on ,just , an extra hour, extra day, whatever and let your personality soak up that willpower that in turn will provide some insight.
I believe we can never be sure of what we want in life..but yes, we can be absolutely certain of what we Don't want in life...do consider removing that part, if that is possible..Personally, I feel you may not be doing what you would like or rather love to...is it possible to explore those frontiers..? The title isn't appropriate perhaps...this is introspection, not failure...
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