Friday, January 27, 2006

Let it be....

There have been so many friends who have criticised my blog as a public diary and of it being too explicit in detailing my life. I have so many times thought I probably should stop writing.

Something that had broken my heart in between was one of my best friends telling me "how come you have more frequent updates on your blog than your mails......". That had been one of the second-last straws. I am so glad the last straw never came whether only for Shalini's comment of grrrriinnng at another reader's answer to my question on how to delete the blog.

Well so many people keep blogs about so many things.... I keep one about my life. And sometimes when I read back through them I find so many things to appreciate that I hadn't before. They show me how my perspective has changed between then and now.
So why not a private diary .... I have never found myself writing so well before in a diary ....yes probably my friend (whom I quoted before) .........was right and it is only becoz of all the attention I get here. Well atleast it brings out the best that I can write :).

So this blog out of the blue .....I did not start writing it out with a thought of justifying its existence, just that there are different things which different people like doing. So maybe I just love doing this. And thats quite a change from my first blog note where I had written how I had thought I would never join this community bcoz of the fact that it is so publicly accessible.

Having said all that , its only after I started writing that I got addicted. Sometimes they just manage to take the blues away .......especially when I return to read them. So let this be my corner and whoever wants to read about it is welcome to , and vice versa about those who don't like its existence. We are lucky enough not to have censorships slapped on to our blogs or thoughts as yet....its not what all countries enjoy.

Enough justifications, yesterday night was the movie To kill a mocking bird. I had read the book already so the newness was lost but the kids were darlings, the little girl Scott, and the little boy Jim just steal your heart away. Ofcourse Gregory Peck just fits into the shoes of Atticus Finch. A nice movie, nice complement of the book. I guess I am lucky to have got a chance to see all the award winners one after the other. Gaslight is lined up hopefully for tonight :).

Monday, January 23, 2006

I dreamt....

"Last night I dreamt I was back at Manderley.....". This is the beginning line of the book "Rebecca" which is the book I invariably mention as my favorite book. The words when I had first read them had not seemed as spine-chilling or insightful as they do now or today......

Last night I dreamt I was back at the Hollywood walk of fame. :) These dreams have been recurring for some nights now. Sometimes its being back at sea-world, sometimes back on the beach........ each time I am the only recognizable character in the dream. And they set me off wondering if my mind is actually seeking escape in these memories.
Why escape ! Well sem start, assignments which sometimes make more sense being read backwards than forwards, an entire "mini-relational" database to be implemented and its back to the grind ....................

But even then the weekend was enjoyable, with one birthday party and two movies back to back. Schindler's list and One flew over the cuckoo's nest. The former was rivetting for the way Spielberg had shot the film .....the way he had drawn the analogies. The picturization was way way exceptional.
One flew over the cuckoo's nest was frustrating, there were times when you simply want to get up and change the way things are going but are left feeling helpless, a mere spectator of the turn of events. I had been interested in reading the book but I am pretty sure now (after having seen the movie) that I will not survive the book. The movie in the simplest of words can be described as disturbing and a must-watch.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Clementine and tangerine..

The name of the post has nothing whatsoever to do with the post. I just came to know today that they call the small oranges clementines and the larger ones tangerines in America. Clementine was also Kate Winslet's name in Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind...... (its funny how these things just stick to memory while a "simple" thing like the Pumping Lemma doesn't).........apart from which the musical and magical sound of the word itself has made it "one of my favorite things".
We had a long weekend half of which was spent in tackling a head cold and treating myself to all possible remedies for a quick recovery. Thats the way Tucson is nowadays....... as if it has no control on its mind, the sun is brilliantly shining in the sky and wherever the rays can reach are warm ...even hot, but wherever the shadows have stolen their place there is the chilliest of winds......... so as you walk between the shadows and the sun , you spend your time alternating between whether to wear the jacket or to take it off.

Weather talk usually means someone is either opening a conversation , or being pleasant or has nothing else to say. I am wondering which I should leave it at. :)

December 31st: We checked out of the hotel Hollywood Inn at LA finally by noon. And then it was back to the highways and wide lanes and speeding cars ........ This time the mountains had almost crept up on us, so that the highway was a winding road and when it finally gave way....you felt you were over-looking the valley. The day was cloudy ........ so the ocean on the right as you drove didn't actually shimmer in the sun-rays ........ they just lay there...limitless , a dull grey and blue ...merging with the sky in the distance.
We wanted to drive by the ocean ...... coming from Arizona, the immensity of the oceans and "water water everywhere" suddenly overwhelms you :). It was thus that we chanced upon Oceanside, a small harbor. The harbor was closed and all the boats/ships were towed in line.....each one painted in blue or red stripes. There was a very cozy looking coffee shop by the sea and thats where we settled down for brunch. If not anything else, this seemed to be the right-out-of-the-story-book part. I remember I had french fries, buttered buns, and tea. There was another family with new year hats and whistles, and we overhead them saying "we started early". :) If anywhere, I can say,............... time could just stop there and you wouldn't know where it went....it was such a picture-perfect place !
San Diego routes gave us a tough time even with Google-Yahoo maps and we finally landed up pretty tired at home. We tried our luck in the evening to go searching for Sea-port village but we missed it. New-years's eve.......we ended up in downtown San Diego. For lack of enthu to spend the night partying in one of the new year bashes, we decided we would atleast eat our dinner at an Indian restaurant. Thats how we finally landed up in Star of India. Paneer Butter Masala, Naans, Navrathna Kormas....(and I am forgetting the dinner menu surprisingly :)) topped off with Kheer which tasted like a watery rice pudding.
Once back at the hotel, Vanita and I dropped off to sleep with plans of getting up before midnight. As new year approached we sat and made our new year resolutions one by one around the room - four of us who had not even known of each other's existence just six months back.
I didn't remember then ...but now there are so many new years which flash before my eyes......dancing around bonfires with all my batch-mates in hostel..... trying to keep the fire alive with newspapers, first we as the junior most batch, then one where we were the senior most........ another new-year at home watching the new year TV shows with my family............

and I am left wishing ....I wish I had realized the values of those moments then as well.

New Year..... was get up in a hurry, get dressed , check out of the hotel and on the road to sea- world. I remember my brother being amazed at the size of the parking space. We were too. You can see the Atlantis ride from the ticket lines itself. It was the ride which would supposedly get us drenched and was scary.
Once in, we had a map and it was pretty similiar to Universal Studios, run run run to catch all the shows. The first we made it to was the dolphins. We met them in a water tank on the way with me falling in love with one of them who simply insisted on posing for me. The otters were also having quite a time of their lives in another passing pool, banging the glasses with their play-pipes.
Then first the dolphins show and then the killer-whale show.......... :) I don't think there is a moment that you can close your mouth or not blink. They are so amazing to watch. The shows are entertaining in themselves but the way Shyamu (the killer whale), Duncan (wow! am I good at names) and the rest of the dolphin troupe bowled you over with being so life-like ..........top that with their sky jumps and somersaults in the air. What was best about it all........ they seemed to enjoy it as much as we were. And I am sure you could actually make out all of them were smiling and having the time of their lives....... if not only for the ounces of food that they got after every trick.
There was a sea-lion show as well where it was equally tough to make out the sea-lions from the actors. They did miss their cue here and there but you should just sit there and watch them waddling on land on their fins......and its bound to make you smile. I am smiling even as I remember them.
These were the first times that I was overflowing with pride for my camera. I am very bad at choosing electronic gadgets but that day I could have wished for no other camera.

There were rides as well, flight simulator show to explore the arctic, and walking through penguins and polar bears. And there was Atlantis. I'll specially remember this roller-coaster if not others. It is one of those "come-down from a great height straight into the water and then continue as a roller-coaster nearly tilting you out thing". It was also the ride where for the first time I just let go and trusted the ride not to let me fall. And there was no fear. I am sorry if this is stating the obvious ..........
I have always pulled people with me on scary rides before (I pulled my father behind me when I was in my eighth standard on the Appu Columbus in Delhi Appu Ghar, and he nearly died of a heart attack ).......and it has always been a joke in the family that no sooner than the ride starts that I start laughing a nervous laughter which is probably the reason behind my courage (it supposedly releases my fear)......Other escapades have been my mother and me on Tora-tora, a class-picnic to Nicco Park in Kolkata where half the class ended up vomitting after a ride on My fair Lady..... and probably the last one in India was the 360 degree turning thing that Anshuman, Deepu, Vishnu's brother and I landed up on. At the top of that ride, its only the chair-rests that are holding you in place and you keep wondering how much weight it has been tested to support and hope and pray that you fall well below it. Well at that point , hanging and looking at the world upside down there is nothing much you can do but leave it all in god's hands
that if this is the moment then so be it. :) Its more like you give up. I remember answering that "yes i was alright" in response to one of their questions bcoz it seemed I had gone extremely quiet. I won't make a long tale out of it........ yes it was scary and no, my nervous laughter I guess got too frightened to take care of my fear this time.

Maybe that was the fear factor that made me immune or maybe this time I just left myself and put all my trust on the seat holders of Atlantis and ...... I didn't feel scared. And it felt really good to have trusted and in having been repaid in that trust bcoz thats not what always happens in real life.
Too philosophical ........ well going on from there, we had lunch at a place which had these delicious rich chocolatey desserts all arranged in front and for the first time I did not indulge myself .

After we left Sea-world, we went on to Sea-port village. Another try and this time we got it. Its a very sweet little place by the sea in downtown San Diego. The first which struck us and we went on to ride was a straight out of the Noddy book style merry-go-round complete with its own music as long as it went around, and horses which went up and down on their poles. :) There were all these shops .....like little cottages with warm inviting lights especially as it had started to rain. Vanita and I finally succumbed to Ben and Jerry's ice-creams. I had chocolate fudge brownie which is a dark chocolate ice-cream with soft brownies in-between and which was heaven to me while it lasted.

We spent the night at a friend's place, next morning a short trip to the Black beach among winds ready to wash you off your feet. But the shoreline was very pretty with the waves washing over it. Then on to the mall which is designed very prettily and is an outdoor mall. And we decided we will start our ride back to Tucson.

The journey back had sand-dunes, and lunch-tea at a place way in the desert. (much like our dhaba but not-quite with the same warmth). I slept for most part of the journey. We finally trouped back home at 8-9 in the night. Exhausted from a vacation break but I am sure all of us were satisfied and happy......... the happiness that enjoyment without any tension brings ....or which comes from a trip to a new place, seeing new faces, just a change ........

Sunday, January 08, 2006

"More than words"

There are ever so few times when someone comes by and touches your heart in such a way that you are left feeling your life is meaningless compared to the love they are able to give.
International friends association from day one was what brought me close to Luann. Thanks to her, I have not only got a friend but come to know more about Tucson in such a short time. This time too I landed at their lunch for students and signed up for a one night dinner invitation with a family. I had little idea of what was in store. The other two students were May from Iraq(Baghdad) and Dechuan from China. Sitting there in the cozy living room, listening to stories from around the world ....comparing habits and listening to the amazing range of languages that May and Imra(my host) knew...... I was spellbound. Sometimes small incidents make you feel so small. Imra's goodbye hug, the painstakingly cooked dinner, the constant attention to whether each of us were feeling at home , pulling each of us into the conversation ........ small things yes! Small things which left me feeling smaller, that all that governed my life was whether I would land up with some internship somewhere, how was I going to complete the assignment. How small could I get .......... but the way that Luann and Imra and Leonard have touched my lives..... and helped me to learn about life beyond just degrees and competition for higher pay packages ............. is not something I will ever be able to repay them for. I don't know if anyone of them will ever read this, but Thank you to all of you , thank you for touching my life.


December 30, 2006. The earliest that we could set off from our hotel for Universal Studios was 9:30. Once we entered it, we were in something like Neverland......a fairy tale, with all brilliantly colored houses right out of the fairytale books. One building was covered in icicles, one had michael jordan propped against it, one had king kong towering above us......... and the cinema theatre had Hulk glaring out ......... the first thing we did was purchase tickets for the 9:30 night show of Chronicles of Narnia. I had been simply dying to watch the film ever since I had heard all the rave reviews.
Then on a red carpet, a turnstile to show the tickets, and we were in Universal Studios. (What I had been talking about so far was what leads to it). A map listed all the shows and rides and the timings. And thats it .....the rest of the day all we could think of was what we have covered and what we haven't and believe me when I say you really need to plan it out to get everything covered. The problem is not the number of things you have to cover but the amount of time that is spent waiting in front of each show and ride in the unending queues.

And all the while that we were there, I could not belive that I had actually landed there. How many times would I have read and heard about it. How many times would I have envied all my friends who would talk about their visits to Disneyland and here , and show off their gifts from these places from cousins living abroad. And believe it or not, I was standing there too :). I still cannot believe it even while writing. Guess I am too much of a country girl looking in awe at a world I had always read about...... through rainbow colored glasses.

The first show was a trip through a haunted house kind of thing called The Van Helsing fortress after the movie. I would rather not spoil the fun here , but PQP team in Hyderebad and Shobana, Shalini, Lakshmi and Vishnu will know what I mean when I say this is where the haunted house at Imax got its ideas from.:)
The next show was of Terminator, a 3-D show which we had to watch through those 3-D glasses. The effects as part of the ongoing story on screen ......... had me gaping like a codfish. We were all in applause after the show got over especially as the ending swept us off our feet. Following this was a show based on Shrek , that was a 4D experience. :) and I will keep you guessing about what could be 4D.

In between this somewhere we packed in the Waterworld show, which when I was narrating all the stories at home, my brother rattled off as if he knew more about it than me. This one too was a different experience, more so bcoz you get splashed with water in the spectator seats :).

In between trying to manage time for munching snacks, and buying lunch at Panda Express to get a discount only to find the discount coupon was not valid, I got my favorite snap of the entire trip. :) I got a snap patting Matt Damon's prop on the back .......:)))) But the snap has come out great and believe me, you would not realize he is not for real.

After all this we took a three level trip through elevators down to the next level where all the rides where. The Mummy ride , Jurassic Park ...normal roller-coaster rides but the extra punch that each packed left you smiling from ear to ear. The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were jumping out at you from ceilings , sideways, and spraying you with water from head to foot. They were just that much bigger and that much more real than similiar rides back home.

Close to the park closing time and among the last people trooping out, we rushed to our waiting show. Chronicles of Narnia just extended the fairytale world for a few more hours. But I felt it dragged at times and had a lot in common with the battle scenes in LOTR.

But with such a fairytale ending to an equally fairytale day...what more could I wish for.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Road trip,and back to Tucson

Ok, this post has been pending for a long time. I got to enjoy a holiday. :) I had not thought (rather was not in the mood to) step out of Tucson and it just turned out that even after some last minute hesitations (becoz of things beyond my control) which nearly made me drop the idea of a road trip......I finally joined the group.
So where do I start ! From the bus stop a few blocks away, to the downtown Greyhound bus station. The greyhound would be the USA equivalent of the APSRTC or KSRTC buses which took me from Hyderabad to Bangalore and back. A two hour trip to Phoenix........and believe me after the small town I felt like I had jumped some decades into the future. High rise buildings, unending swerving bridges and fly-overs .......... forget that, the sheer scale of the buildings, the airport, the parking spots, the traffic........ after my laid back life in Tucson, it was quite a few gulps to get accustomed. We made our way to ASU (arizona state university) and the apartments near that.
Our group was a team of 5, and where we were going, what we were going to do...all were last minute decisions except that Priya and Abhishek had already booked the tickets to Universal Studios and the hotel in Los Angeles, and the rental car. We got a red Dodge as our car and it was a good car .....more so becoz the color could be identfied from far. :)
I was the shutter bug from the minute we got started, which was December 29th morning. Sunrises and brilliant skies, trees on the roadway, everything and anything which seemed to make a good subject ......... and as for the number of snaps ...keep guessing ......... well all together, there were three cameras and the number crossed 400.
What was amazing about the journey was the diversity in the scenery, the desert changing to greens to amazing lawns of a green I cannot describe. Beautiful houses lining the streets and pn the hills which rose up from the highway..........USA seemed to have been blessed with the most amazing diverse geography that I have ever seen ........... at each moment that some thought cropped up in my head, I felt like clinging on to it but I did not get the time to jot it down ..... so they just became like ships passing in the night (if thats the correct saying.....I apologize for writing the way I am and I am sure its going to be a bit difficult to follow........I am trying to capture the then moment in the now and that is always a difficult task.)
Once the city started it was actually very like any of the metros in India. The roads were narrower with lesser lanes and much more traffic and more honking and it was really difficult driving.......... any mistake and you were being glared at. There were traffice queues quite reminding all of us of back home. Our hotel was the Hollywood Inn in Hollywood itself. We also caught sight of the Hollywood sign on the mountain while we were searching for our hotel.
We probably owe a great deal to Google and Yahoo by the way. Those were the only maps we carried thruout and at every hotel stop, we would be browsing for directions from hotel to beach, from universal studios to beverly hills. ..............
That evening we made it to Santa Monica beach just in time to catch the sunset. The sunset was beautiful but it was windy and cold. But then there is something so soothing about the waves just moving in towards you, lapping at your feet and retreating that you can stand and watch for hours. There were seagulls which were flying around in groups and I got a lovely snap.

I missed out that we visited Beverly Hills before this and no...we were not lucky enough to see any of the stars out jogging or walking their dogs but the houses were beautiful. All we could gape and dream about was how expensive it would be to own a house there.

Later from the beach we made our way to the UCLA campus. It abruptly starts ........ and you cannot make out where the city ended and the university started. But somehow I liked it. We spent a lazy night chatting at Starbucks. (me with Mocha with whipped cream). After that, me with the least stamina wanted to drop out of a plan to go visiting the Hollywood walk of fame but I ended up going anyways. The Hollywood walk of fame is a long pavement of engraved stars, each bearing the name of a famous actor, actress, singer, director etc. I got a snap with Vanita and Keanu Reeves(his name was on the star). :) The best thing were the christmas lights ... it looked like a Durga puja festival back home ......only a little different. :)

We came across the Chinese theatre where "Rumor has it" was being screened. We wanted to see the inside of the theatre...its supposed to be the best there so we decided on watching the movie as well. The inside of the theatre was beautiful with gold designs on red wall hangings and a beautifully engraved ceiling. I cannot speak much in praise of the movie though.

Tired and sleepy as we made our way out, we got to watch a street performance. A group of 6 or 7 guys showing off their acrobatic dancing skills. They were good and in the cold night, it was great standing there just watching them.

We finally trooped back to the hotel to settle in cozy blankets for the night. Tomorrow Universal Studios was waiting and we wanted to get there early to beat the queue.

:) ......to be continued...................................