Today I am done with every last bit of academics, project, report submission, classes, exams, presentations. And yet I know this is the life that I want to be in. This is what I want to do in life. I know it has never treated me well and that is probably why, even though I curse it so I always come back to it. It gives me the most security and comfort and challenges in life. I have always loved to be near books and around young minds. I would love to be associated with a university, with students and to take them through to the fulfillment of their career milestones and achievements and dreams. I know where I want to be but the question is if I will be able to get there ?
Well never give up as the movie said. The "movie" is "What dreams may come" and even though it is not like a 5 star movie, and the starting is quite slow, it is a fascinating movie about relationships and soul-mates and just sharing your lives. What touched me most was the line "Hey I found you in hell, don't you think I can find you in Jersey" when Robin Williams and his wife think of being reborn and his wife asks him how they are going to find each other. The imagery is fantastic. The picturization is so real that I can blame my crying bucket loads on it :).
I am trying to visualize my life now and for once in my life I know what I like to do. I know what I am in love with. And yes it seems very romantic but this is what keeps me going. Ofcourse I need a constant dump where I can unload all my frustrations and problems in life. For once I am sure of what I want. When I had left Oracle I had told myself I choose to do this, come what may.
I am hoping and praying now with all my heart that I don't leave this as an unachieved dream of "I had wanted to ........". But when you know what you want to do, isn't that when the maximum obstacles come across your path and isn't that why persevering to stick to what you want to do, makes it worthwhile ?
You know what to me now seems will be the proudest moments of my life, one will be when I hold my first child in my hands, the other will be when a paper gets published under my name.
So long then, till what dreams may come :)
3 comments:
I remember watching What Dreams May Come about 2-3 years back when a friend of mine recommended it highly. Well even though such movies can give most guys a feeling of transcendental nonchalance, I picked up the movie because 1. Robin Williams was in it and 2. because I read the plot summary and liked it. After watching the movie, I felt good and was glad that I took the trouble of borrowing it from the library. I liked Cuba Gooding Jr character and I agree with you that the colorful imagery and picturesque scenes were a treat to watch. I remember that scene in the water with the Dog, when Cuba Gooding Jr meets Robin Williams. Btw after watching this movie I couldn’t help notice that the concept of rebirth is found mostly in Eastern religions and belief systems (Hinduism, Buddhism etc) and cannot be found in most western thought (although if you dig deep enough you will find that the earliest Christian churches like the Celtic church did have the concept of rebirth and it was only after the the Fifth Ecumenical Council (the Second Council of Constantinople) in AD 553, that reincarnation or rebirth was considered as inappropriate concept for Christians to follow.)
It’s good to see that you are trying to make up your mind (or should I say already made up your mind) about your PhD aspirations. It seems you feel strongly about it and I think you will do well if you decide to pursue it although I hope you talk to some professors before taking such a decision. Being a professor involves much more than teaching and being around students and being in love with books may be a risky argument for being a professor. Yes, I agree with you that perseverance is the key to such a goal and as the cliché goes “ When the going gets tough the tough gets going, ” so keep persevering and I am sure you will be able to fulfill your dream some day. The only question is how badly do you want it ?
To quote you,"I have always loved to be near books and around young....".
I think that way too and thats what draws me to academics.Besides which job will give you summer/winter vacation?;)But more importantly, I look at a PhD as the culmination of formal education,of course learning goes on all your life..blah blah blah but its the highest degree I can earn in my life..;)and its a challenge,to vindicate the opinion that I have of my abilities (not exactly the epitome of modesty,am I?:)
"the other will be when a paper gets published under my name"
Spot on...am waiting for that day too...treat for you the day I do!
So..your views on my views?:)
shriram
Good thoughts on why to pursue what you want to pursue. And these are precisely (or maybe a subset of) the reasons why academicians stick to their jobs. On the other hand you must not ignore the fact that generally the earnings there are relatively small. Fully keeping in mind your earlier expressed opinion about money not being the answer to all questions, this might still be a constraint one has to take into account. But I think everyone gets there in the end although it is a bit slow, steady and perhaps bumpy following the academic route. From a more general perspective, any job (academic or industrial), if fulfilled correctly, has a purpose aimed at serving the society. So one should not be too unhappy about deviating from one's dream career path for some time.
Sure there are obstacles on any path you choose to follow. You might encounter more of them if you try to stick to something close to your heart that is not approved by the so-called norms of the society. But thats life and overcoming them is another way of achieving "painful" happiness (referring to one of your previous post :)).
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