So I had started writing about "something", and then there were so many things that I couldn't write on the "something" without revealing some other things which I did not want to reveal..... that I ended up totally lost.
So to start anew, I was rethinking my journey till here. Eventful yes, adventurous yes, enjoyable yes........ ....... my only regret ? Everything is in retrospect. Whenever I have actually been searching for an apartment by myself, or trying to figure out something really simple, the only thing that confronts me then is fear, anxiety and worry. :) Like I was on all edge just thinking that I would not get a house that I liked. I did not get one that I am raving mad about but its cozy for me... and for a start. (Wow!! Quite something ..... I actually managed to settle down in Seattle by myself and get a house by the bay which I had never thought possible in my wildest dreams.)
Work is fun because I am learning Perl. Another thing I never saw myself doing. And I know, we friends had these discussions that the last compilers project would have been particularly simple if we had known Perl and guess what!! Perl is a good language and a great tool to know. Imagine me, a non-computer geek and an un-techno person actually being ardent about a language.
I did forget to note, that this year I had three birthdays, three surprise birthdays , each one very unique and a lot of fun in its own way. And none of them on my actual birthday which I actually spent laundering. I guess I wrote about this before but I laugh so many times when I think about it, that I guess repeating myself makes sense.
Yes, now there are so many things to follow. For atleast some days , I probably won't have the comfort of a home as I know it. I have zilch furniture. It will be fun to shop but everytime I look at something I like, I end up sad that I cannot afford it. Or should I afford a $500 dining table set if I only have to sell it on Craigslist after a year or two. And then there is the despondency wave which overtakes me...... about the uselessness of setting up everything just to rip it apart again. :) But then that would/should/may be another adventure, who knows. So why worry !! ! In the meanwhile, I shall go back to catching up on Bengali movies for the time being while the next Netflix arrives. It so happens, I suddenly realized that I speak so ardently about going back to my roots and being close to my home-ground and feeling passionately about Kolkata only to realize that I know nothing very deeply about any of it.
4 comments:
my comments follow
So I had started writing about "something", and then there were so many things that I couldn't write on the "something" without revealing some other things which I did not want to reveal..... that I ended up totally lost.
>>> I think that’s the correct approach. I don’t think we need to open up our hearts to everyone in our blogs…and I think it’s OK to filter information and write only what we want to write or feel comfortable writing..or whatever we think we can share with others
So to start anew, I was rethinking my journey till here. Eventful yes, adventurous yes, enjoyable yes........ ....... my only regret ? Everything is in retrospect. Whenever I have actually been searching for an apartment by myself, or trying to figure out something really simple, the only thing that confronts me then is fear, anxiety and worry. :) Like I was on all edge just thinking that I would not get a house that I liked. I did not get one that I am raving mad about but its cozy for me... and for a start. (Wow!! Quite something ..... I actually managed to settle down in Seattle by myself and get a house by the bay which I had never thought possible in my wildest dreams.)
>>> I realized long time back that everything in life is about compromise and our willingness to compromise depends on the extent to which we are ready to invest our time, energy, money and health to get something. If we have an infinite amount of each of them we would not need feel the urge to compromise anything isn’t it? We can keep looking till kingdom come, but since we don’t have that much time on our hands I think the wise person always finds the balance and settles for a compromise.
You know, when I read your blogs, I do not only read the words you write but also try to fathom why she chose those words or why she wrote what she wrote. I try to put myself in your shoes and try to go beyond the façade of words and expression. I try to keep those thoughts to myself and don’t always talk about it in my comments, since I don’t think I can read anyone’s mind neither do I claim that I am right in my interpretations. In fact, the most beguiling thing is to think that, what a person writes on his/her blog is always his/her truest thoughts. This is often not the case since they know that many people read their blogs and fear of rebuke, slander, criticism or even castigation by friends are common reasons why they don’t always reveal their truest feelings or their innermost thoughts, other than the ones which they feel is not going to damage their public image. So they reveal only that part of themselves that they want to reveal, trying to put only their best foot forward, that foot which they feel people will like, admire or adore. There’s nothing wrong with showing one’s better self in public and as social beings most of us do that but that is one reason it can be tricky to learn about someone just from blogs alone and arrive at conclusions.
But reading this post, I couldn’t help but think aloud. I think the reason why you regret the fact that everything has been in retrospect is because, majority of times you find yourself living life either in rewind mode or fast-forward mode and never in “Play” mode (excuse my analogy !!). Not that you don’t want to. Not that you don’t want to find pleasure in the present but there seems to be a part of you that is always yearning for something better than what you hold in your palm. Something better that the present moment - an earnest want, even an unquenchable thirst for the next moment to be better than “now”. When I say thirst, I don’t necessarily mean ambition for material riches or pleasures (it can even be something as simple as walking on the beach watching a beautiful sunset) but you still keep searching for it nevertheless. And when someone’s attention is spent thinking about how beautiful tomorrow would be, the present zips past. Finally when one comes to the realization that they have lost their present happiness in thinking about tomorrow, their mind starts searching for those fond memories from yesterday, those days from one’s past when things were so blissful and happy. So refreshingly simple and peaceful. Yet those days have bid adieu when one was busy thinking about today.
I do not know if I am correct and may very well be wrong, but I think it would be helpful for all of us if we could find something today to enjoy. Something to make us feel that today was not wasted. in our quest for tomorrow(-:
Anyway, I don't know if I would have been so frank with you had I not been masquerading. It is often said, that give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth about you. So hope you don't find my words offensive. My aplologies if I have(-:
Work is fun because I am learning Perl. Another thing I never saw myself doing. And I know, we friends had these discussions that the last compilers project would have been particularly simple if we had known Perl and guess what!! Perl is a good language and a great tool to know. Imagine me, a non-computer geek and an un-techno person actually being ardent about a language.
>>> I agree with you that Perl is fun. I remember trying to learn Perl a few years back. It’s a very effective scripting language and very similar to C although if you know other scripting languages like TCL-TK or have done Unix shell scripting I guess it should be even easier and I know a lot of ppl who really swear by Perl. Unfortunately, I could never complete my learning, but it was fun learning the basics. Hope you become a Perl Guru soon (-:
I did forget to note, that this year I had three birthdays, three surprise birthdays , each one very unique and a lot of fun in its own way. And none of them on my actual birthday which I actually spent laundering. I guess I wrote about this before but I laugh so many times when I think about it, that I guess repeating myself makes sense.
>>> Laundering ?? a whole day spent laundering ??…what a waste of a birthday (-: I hope you don’t wear a dress a minute like many Bollywood actresses…anyway 3 birthdays in a year.. that’s something !!!
Yes, now there are so many things to follow. For atleast some days , I probably won't have the comfort of a home as I know it. I have zilch furniture. It will be fun to shop but everytime I look at something I like, I end up sad that I cannot afford it. Or should I afford a $500 dining table set if I only have to sell it on Craigslist after a year or two. And then there is the despondency wave which overtakes me...... about the uselessness of setting up everything just to rip it apart again. :) But then that would/should/may be another adventure, who knows. So why worry !! ! In the meanwhile, I shall go back to catching up on Bengali movies for the time being while the next Netflix arrives. It so happens, I suddenly realized that I speak so ardently about going back to my roots and being close to my home-ground and feeling passionately about Kolkata only to realize that I know nothing very deeply about any of it.
>>> A long time ago I remember coming across an anecdote from the life of Socrates. I do not know if this is a fact but it’s a nice anecdote anyway which I thought of sharing.
When Socrates was sentenced to death by poison (Hemlock), a few of his disciples came to meet him a few hours before his death. But when they entered the cell where he was incarcerated, to their amazement, they found him engrossed in reading a book. They were surprised and couldn’t figure out why a person who had only a few hours of life left was still interested in knowledge
so they asked,
“Master, why are you reading a book, when you have only a few hours before you die? ” To this Socrates replied
“ I am reading a book for the same reason you read a book 20 years before you die.”
Even though this anecdote might seem to be chosen out of context, I know you are smart enough to figure out why I related it here.
Anyway as for kolkata, I don’t know how Netflix may be of help in learning the history of a place or abt your roots(-: and most bangla movies can be found on videoduniya.com But if you are serious then there are lot of excellent books and websites on the subject although a lot of these books are in bangla and I remember having read them quite a while back. Maybe I will try to find the names and send it to you.
till ur next post..tc
What are you using for "learning Perl"? Perhaps my book of the same name "Learning Perl"? And after that, the sequel in spirit and form, "Intermdiate Perl"?
Just curious.
I am actually learning from your book :) It was very helpful, I haven't gone on to Intermediate Perl yet. Its nice to meet you through my blog :) thanks for writing such a good and easy to learn for beginners book.
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