The day that I finished, maybe (but hopefully/un-hopefully (not sure at this point what I want!!)) the last exam of my life, I was so confused by what I felt. Happy and sad at the same time, what on earth is that feeling called ? :) I had a presentation due the next day but that was like the last thing on my mind. (notice the extra use of "like", now my lingo has been "like" that for sometime and I think I repeat myself from a previous post here). Ok , so I am right now, in this good mood, because I suddenly found friend(s) with whom I share a lot (like knowing Sharukh's dialogues by heart :), ok so maybe we WERE immature :)). There also seem to be friends in my life who can talk with me exactly like I did with Sheeba .... through analogies to the real problem, so that we solve the problem without even going into details. :) (Abstract??)
They seem to have germinated overnight, and I don't know when I came to share so much with them.
My mother will probably kill me for the above sentences, considering that day in and day out I have poured out my complaints, grumbling, cribbing, crying about Tucson and being friendless to her. Every time she would say, thats what happened in Trichy. When its time to leave you will feel bad. Correction: I don't feel bad about leaving, I like the place but that's it. First time in my life that I have not built ties to a place. (Please don't tell me its not the place but your attitude that matters. To my scatterbrained head its the place, always, with which I associate my experiences.)
Tucson taught me a lot, it taught me to speak up when I don't want to put up with something. It taught me its very important to have people in your life whom you love and who love you and some of them should be there within listening distance and same time zones :). You should have friends on the same mobile service as you are (to avoid wasting minutes) and willing to give you company when you walk home alone after late night lab sessions. :) Its very nice to receive but its even more fun planning the giving for other people and seeing their faces light up on seeing the surprise (I have hardly done that here, but I have experienced it first hand in Hyderabad and hope to revive the tradition before leaving Tucson.)
Today was Ramya's bridal shower, the first one I have ever attended but it was a whole lot of fun. (It was very interesting to find out that a wedding or your wedding is the least about you and mostly about people like family, relatives and in-laws. :) considering that I or for that matter all the girls I have ever known would have always planned or dreamt about how they would want their wedding to be...... from the color of their sari , to the chandan (sandal paste) design on their faces to the menu to the guests.... picking up details from all weddings ever attended. And how ironic that when your time comes, you might just be a mute observer.) All the games were about the bride to be and the wedding and I enjoyed seeing so much creativity. I think I will force my friends to throw me a bridal shower when I am about to get married. :)
Funny, how when you are in a good mood , everything can be seen from the lighter side. I wish I could hold on to it. (Inspite of the fact that I royally ruined my presentation...... I could literally see other students sleeping in front of me.)
I will be glad to be on my own. Apart from the fact that its a big change, its the first time I might have my own apartment, and furnish it the way I want. Not first but some time that I will be try to get accustomed to a new city all on my own and live a life for sometime atleast all on my own, for myself, by myself. :) It will be fun, atleast for sometime till I get bored of it.
Ok my good mood is wearing off, and so is my songlist on YouTube, so I had better wind up fast. This is the umpteenth time I am listening to "Chehra hai yaa" and my room-mate is also throwing quizzical glances at me.
p.s: I went back and read some of my own older posts, and I found myself so much better and positive than an endless saga of crib/crib/crib. :) Maybe I should just grow young again. :)
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
In pursuit of happiness
Considering that I have completed a quarter century of my life, you would think that I would be over feeling disgruntled, nervous/scared, anxious about exams. But I don't think I will ever grow out of the school-grown fear of facing question papers. Come exams, and my mood takes an about turn. So consequently, there is a dark black cloud hanging over my head which I don't think will go away till Wednesday. And then ofcourse, it will be "I am totally free, and I don't know what to do now with my time " clouds. :)
I came across this article in our college paper today, which , to quote, says:
"The question of what happiness really means and how it can be achieved has been a topic of deep human thought since Greek philosophers like Aristotle and Plato began to discuss the true meaning of 'eudaimonia', the Greek word for happiness.
They said the experience of happiness is satisfying and pleasurable, but in order to be truly happy in life, pleasure should not be the ultimate goal. They believed that an excess of materialism or physical pleasure would ultimately lead people away from happiness, instead of to it.
A study reported in the current issue of Scientific American:Mind shows that these Greek philosophers were right in suggesting that happiness does not follow financial success.
The study illustrates the human tendency to habituate to material goods and return to a set point of happiness after their basic human needs have been met. ....
But people can also increase their set point of happiness by engaging in certain exercises and cognitive practices.....
The best way to be truly happy is to have friends and work towards your goals.
Happiness should not be thought of as some sort of ultimate outcome. Happiness is first and foremost a means to achieve your goals by having happiness as a cushion that will break your falls in life and allow you to stand back up even stronger. "
A lot of funda ?? For me it was an interesting read on an otherwise cloudy day. :)
The weekend however was very different. I have always thought of writing about Luann but I think I have always just mentioned her. We have a program in our university called International Friends which pairs up foreign students with local families, so that there can be an exchange of cultures while building strong friendships. My international friend is Luann, and since the time I came to Tucson, she has been my omni-present silver lining. Through conversations, weekend outings (to a different activity/event/restaurant every time), through fun, and banter and advice and just hanging out together... she has been more than a friend to me throughout my stay (I may add that she has been a reason for my stay). Guide, mentor, friend, sister... she has been all-in-one. I had been out with her this weekend too and we talked about everything from buying a car to setting up my home to yoga classes to just about everything under the sun.
What saddens me most about leaving Tucson sometimes is the fact that I won't be able to hang around with her and enjoy her company... that she will not be there in Seattle !! There are some people who can spread sunshine in other's lives just by being themselves, and Luann is one among them. She is my first inspiration in Tucson, my second being my professor, Dr.Snodgrass. If I ever (and thats a big if) fulfil my dream of becoming a professor, then I want to be someone like the guide and mentor that Dr.Snodgrass is to his students.
The second thing which brightened up my weekend was: Vishnu and Tom, very sweetly surprised me with an advance birthday celebration, just bcoz we would not all be together during my actual birthday. So they planned it on a day exactly a month before my actual birthday and I was very touched. :)
I remember final year in college, when I had had three birthdays just bcoz my friends would not be there with me on the D-day. And each one was so much fun with the surprises, the cover-ups and later, all the piecing it together. Well, thanks to Tom and Vishnu, I was able to relive all that.
And to have a whole chocolate mousse cake all to yourself, well what more can you ask for. :)
We were all very tired at the end of the day but that did not stop us from playing Scrabble, and did not stop Tom from passing off words like vees and voom, of which, much to our chagrin, we found later that voom does not exist (Yes, vees it seems is a legitimate word). Nevertheless, we had not spent time together like this in a long time, or laughed so much in a long time. :) Hence, I could not agree more with the article..... that friends and family are all the buffer you need for happiness.
I came across this article in our college paper today, which , to quote, says:
"The question of what happiness really means and how it can be achieved has been a topic of deep human thought since Greek philosophers like Aristotle and Plato began to discuss the true meaning of 'eudaimonia', the Greek word for happiness.
They said the experience of happiness is satisfying and pleasurable, but in order to be truly happy in life, pleasure should not be the ultimate goal. They believed that an excess of materialism or physical pleasure would ultimately lead people away from happiness, instead of to it.
A study reported in the current issue of Scientific American:Mind shows that these Greek philosophers were right in suggesting that happiness does not follow financial success.
The study illustrates the human tendency to habituate to material goods and return to a set point of happiness after their basic human needs have been met. ....
But people can also increase their set point of happiness by engaging in certain exercises and cognitive practices.....
The best way to be truly happy is to have friends and work towards your goals.
Happiness should not be thought of as some sort of ultimate outcome. Happiness is first and foremost a means to achieve your goals by having happiness as a cushion that will break your falls in life and allow you to stand back up even stronger. "
A lot of funda ?? For me it was an interesting read on an otherwise cloudy day. :)
The weekend however was very different. I have always thought of writing about Luann but I think I have always just mentioned her. We have a program in our university called International Friends which pairs up foreign students with local families, so that there can be an exchange of cultures while building strong friendships. My international friend is Luann, and since the time I came to Tucson, she has been my omni-present silver lining. Through conversations, weekend outings (to a different activity/event/restaurant every time), through fun, and banter and advice and just hanging out together... she has been more than a friend to me throughout my stay (I may add that she has been a reason for my stay). Guide, mentor, friend, sister... she has been all-in-one. I had been out with her this weekend too and we talked about everything from buying a car to setting up my home to yoga classes to just about everything under the sun.
What saddens me most about leaving Tucson sometimes is the fact that I won't be able to hang around with her and enjoy her company... that she will not be there in Seattle !! There are some people who can spread sunshine in other's lives just by being themselves, and Luann is one among them. She is my first inspiration in Tucson, my second being my professor, Dr.Snodgrass. If I ever (and thats a big if) fulfil my dream of becoming a professor, then I want to be someone like the guide and mentor that Dr.Snodgrass is to his students.
The second thing which brightened up my weekend was: Vishnu and Tom, very sweetly surprised me with an advance birthday celebration, just bcoz we would not all be together during my actual birthday. So they planned it on a day exactly a month before my actual birthday and I was very touched. :)
I remember final year in college, when I had had three birthdays just bcoz my friends would not be there with me on the D-day. And each one was so much fun with the surprises, the cover-ups and later, all the piecing it together. Well, thanks to Tom and Vishnu, I was able to relive all that.
And to have a whole chocolate mousse cake all to yourself, well what more can you ask for. :)
We were all very tired at the end of the day but that did not stop us from playing Scrabble, and did not stop Tom from passing off words like vees and voom, of which, much to our chagrin, we found later that voom does not exist (Yes, vees it seems is a legitimate word). Nevertheless, we had not spent time together like this in a long time, or laughed so much in a long time. :) Hence, I could not agree more with the article..... that friends and family are all the buffer you need for happiness.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Words....
I have never been a good talker or a story-teller, though I have always loved to listen to stories. I felt writing always gave me more scope bcoz I could think....... and somehow the flow of words was never a problem. And contrary to when I want to say something and I often get things wrong, writing has never quite done that to me yet. Movies have been yet another form of expression for me. They have opened up so many new stories and so many new angles to life and creativity. I just finished watching Motorcycle Diaries and I simply had to write about it. Just like when you discover you like something, you are filled with happiness probably at the joy of discovering something new about yourself, I discovered I love road-trips. They seem to have grown on me since I came to this country. And motorcycle diaries is first and foremost about such a journey of discovery. It is also a travelogue about cultures of different countries within the same continent.
It is about realizations, and experiences and the effect that humanity and injustice had on the lives of two people. I finished the firstly part of my description, for the foremost part - it is based on a true story.
I finally finished and submitted my code. And after the hours of having moulded it and debugged it, it was like the joy of counting out the fingers on your new born child. I take that analogy too far perhaps. :) But that is what came to my mind today while walking to class. And after all the work, April 18th seemed a little lonely for me and lost. Its just like when you come back from a great holiday and then there is an emptiness after all the activity and fun, so too after a lot of work..... So I filled it by watching two movies in a row. One I already talked about, the other was Play Misty for me. Its the directorial debut of Clint Eastwood and a thriller. I liked the way the movie was shot , and especially the city of Carmel where it was based. The story though for me is by now an oft-repeated one, even though then it must have been a novelty. But I simply fell in love with the town and the drive beside the sea. :) I again allude back to my road-trip saga.
Well it doesn't hurt to write so I can just go ahead and put down my wishes. Someday I hope I get to know a little something about each country in the world. And I hope I do it by road. By going through the heart of each country rather than by flying over it. Someday ...... :)
It is about realizations, and experiences and the effect that humanity and injustice had on the lives of two people. I finished the firstly part of my description, for the foremost part - it is based on a true story.
I finally finished and submitted my code. And after the hours of having moulded it and debugged it, it was like the joy of counting out the fingers on your new born child. I take that analogy too far perhaps. :) But that is what came to my mind today while walking to class. And after all the work, April 18th seemed a little lonely for me and lost. Its just like when you come back from a great holiday and then there is an emptiness after all the activity and fun, so too after a lot of work..... So I filled it by watching two movies in a row. One I already talked about, the other was Play Misty for me. Its the directorial debut of Clint Eastwood and a thriller. I liked the way the movie was shot , and especially the city of Carmel where it was based. The story though for me is by now an oft-repeated one, even though then it must have been a novelty. But I simply fell in love with the town and the drive beside the sea. :) I again allude back to my road-trip saga.
Well it doesn't hurt to write so I can just go ahead and put down my wishes. Someday I hope I get to know a little something about each country in the world. And I hope I do it by road. By going through the heart of each country rather than by flying over it. Someday ...... :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A massacre....
There are 32 dead in a University campus. Through every normal step that I take to my classes and back, I can't even comprehend an iota of what those families and students must be going through. Everytime I look around the University of Arizona campus at the sprawling acres of students, going about their day to day activities, I cannot but imagine how it would have been just one such day, that many students found themselves facing gun-fire. How some were fleeing to save themselves, some instinctively stopping to save others, some taking their last breaths. Incomprehensible as well, is what the families and friends are going through and the scars that they are dealing with. The insanity and senselessness of it all is frustrating if not depressing.
And while the political debates rage on about gun-laws, the broadcast of stories that parents are telling, the newspaper death-reports of an Israeli professor who risked his life to save his students, a Lebanese student who wanted to make the world a better place by studying international relations and dozens of such others..... are what cannot be read through without breaking down.
In my small way, my condolences to all these families who are trying to grope as a part of their lives..........what I am trying to explain as newspaper reports.
And while the political debates rage on about gun-laws, the broadcast of stories that parents are telling, the newspaper death-reports of an Israeli professor who risked his life to save his students, a Lebanese student who wanted to make the world a better place by studying international relations and dozens of such others..... are what cannot be read through without breaking down.
In my small way, my condolences to all these families who are trying to grope as a part of their lives..........what I am trying to explain as newspaper reports.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Subho Nabo Barsho
For all non-bongs, thats Happy new year in bengali. Today is the Bengali new year and like all new years is entitled to a new year resolution. :) Mine is to revive my sense of humor. Like all illuminating ideas, I suddenly realized that life would be better if seen with a spoonful of sugar.
I was also seriously contemplating changing my blog to be a movie review site, which it already is. But then everyone (as my wish-to-remain-anonymous friend calls it) needs a hobby/past-time. Watching movies would not fit the category of a hobby, but then it is just one of the things which can take my imagination for a ride. And I am extra indebted to Netflix, considering that is what has made me survive the last two years literally.
So the latest additions were Namesake, Vertigo, Dial M for murder, half of Charulata, Dead Poet's society. And though I liked the Alfred Hitchcock's, my favorite was the last one. I have always been a sentimental fool, and the last one moved me to tears. Thanks to Shriram that I came across this movie.
About Namesake, well for me it was just home (considering it was filmed mostly in Kolkata too). I had found the book very depressing though good. I sort of identified with the plight of being aliens in an alien land. Strangely enough, so far I have only heard guys saying they liked it. :) Does that show that the guys were able to skip the nuances of the screenplay and get to the gist of the movie ? Or does that show that girls have moved on, and see no big deal or don't identify themselves with the movie ?
But after dead poet's society, I have found out that something missing from my life is poetry. :) As if there aren't other things...... but the jack of all trades that I usually aim to be, it is but too alluring not to try poetry.
At this moment, the center of my life is a compilers project which thankfully to two weeks of work, is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel finally. And I seriously feel like framing and hanging the 3000 lines of code , written solely by yours truly as one of my most enduring tests of patience. But there are still test cases to be done, projects, finals and presentations and all in 28 days. :)
p.s: on re-reading my own post, I cannot help but criticise that I have no idea about what I have been trying to write or whether I have been trying to write at all. I have skimmed over everything that I wanted to say and left many a thing unsaid, and I think this is the most logically written piece of the entire post..... but well , sometimes you can just indulge to be mad. :-|
I was also seriously contemplating changing my blog to be a movie review site, which it already is. But then everyone (as my wish-to-remain-anonymous friend calls it) needs a hobby/past-time. Watching movies would not fit the category of a hobby, but then it is just one of the things which can take my imagination for a ride. And I am extra indebted to Netflix, considering that is what has made me survive the last two years literally.
So the latest additions were Namesake, Vertigo, Dial M for murder, half of Charulata, Dead Poet's society. And though I liked the Alfred Hitchcock's, my favorite was the last one. I have always been a sentimental fool, and the last one moved me to tears. Thanks to Shriram that I came across this movie.
About Namesake, well for me it was just home (considering it was filmed mostly in Kolkata too). I had found the book very depressing though good. I sort of identified with the plight of being aliens in an alien land. Strangely enough, so far I have only heard guys saying they liked it. :) Does that show that the guys were able to skip the nuances of the screenplay and get to the gist of the movie ? Or does that show that girls have moved on, and see no big deal or don't identify themselves with the movie ?
But after dead poet's society, I have found out that something missing from my life is poetry. :) As if there aren't other things...... but the jack of all trades that I usually aim to be, it is but too alluring not to try poetry.
At this moment, the center of my life is a compilers project which thankfully to two weeks of work, is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel finally. And I seriously feel like framing and hanging the 3000 lines of code , written solely by yours truly as one of my most enduring tests of patience. But there are still test cases to be done, projects, finals and presentations and all in 28 days. :)
p.s: on re-reading my own post, I cannot help but criticise that I have no idea about what I have been trying to write or whether I have been trying to write at all. I have skimmed over everything that I wanted to say and left many a thing unsaid, and I think this is the most logically written piece of the entire post..... but well , sometimes you can just indulge to be mad. :-|
Thursday, April 05, 2007
A work of art :)
I got a new Mac. My first laptop ... my very own "precious" :) (read LOTR). This was something I had my eyes on from the very first semester. The interface, the genie effects of windows coming to the forefront and then disappearing when you minimize them had taken my breath away long back. But I could never get myself to actually possess one - there were so many reviews.... mostly about difficulty of use and incompatibility.
Believe me, the first day/night I was playing around with it, I realized that Yahoo and Google Talk did not have voice chat compatible versions for Mac. And since the majority of my time/energy revloves around chat, I was ready to throw the new acquisition at the wall.
But then came programming, thats the second most time/energy consumer, (considering I am in computer science - it had to be) and you have no idea about the comfortable position it has there. Since Mac is a unix based OS and all our programming is on that, I for the first time have the ease of use of Eclipse on my laptop. And you have absolutely no idea, just how much power shell programming gives you.
Enough of raving about my Mac. :) But I simply can't wait to get home all the time just to see and use it. New found love :)................. and I have to keep a note of Mac's birthday here else I am bound to forget - April 3rd, 2007.
p.s: 38 to go and counting....
Believe me, the first day/night I was playing around with it, I realized that Yahoo and Google Talk did not have voice chat compatible versions for Mac. And since the majority of my time/energy revloves around chat, I was ready to throw the new acquisition at the wall.
But then came programming, thats the second most time/energy consumer, (considering I am in computer science - it had to be) and you have no idea about the comfortable position it has there. Since Mac is a unix based OS and all our programming is on that, I for the first time have the ease of use of Eclipse on my laptop. And you have absolutely no idea, just how much power shell programming gives you.
Enough of raving about my Mac. :) But I simply can't wait to get home all the time just to see and use it. New found love :)................. and I have to keep a note of Mac's birthday here else I am bound to forget - April 3rd, 2007.
p.s: 38 to go and counting....
Monday, April 02, 2007
Countdown
I seem to have given the impression that I am in love with Tucson and will miss it a lot when I leave. If I have done so from the scattered posts about sunsets and flora and fauna of my university, it has been in error. If I have ever been in love with Tucson, it has been by literally digging up every stone and rock and trying to find things to distract me. If I have ever written about memories and reflections that I enjoyed, it is because they were the only ones and there is nothing more I can write about.
Oh come now, you would be saying. A place isn't hostile by itself, your attitude is. Well for me, the only oasis in Tucson was Luann. I still believe she is God's gift to me and without whom I would not have survived the "life" here. I have made friends in Tucson by freak accidents, :) commonly shared blog interests (Ramya -I also took my first driving steps in her car), reading, hobbies, movie fans, old friends(Vishnu :) and friendship ties that brought her to Tucson) and working relationships (Lopa :) and our forays to Starbucks). If anything I have been so surprised by the relationships in Tucson that last for the semester, till when you need to have group work and projects and assignments done together. And then its just a hi or maybe not even that. And maybe I should not blame it on people, but on the fact that nobody has time for friendships outside of courses. But coming from where I did, it took me two years to figure that out. And believe me I am still trying to adjust. :) So if its an attitude problem, I am sure its not mine alone.
Ofcourse, we are all in that fearless twenties. Everybody get-set-go on their careers. The most lucrative job, the most comfortable life (your slice and only yours)....... its more about holding on to those dreams and making them come true than anything else. Maybe sometime, when we are older we will have the time to look back on well-established careers and then concentrate on the respective social circles. I just happened to catch people at the wrong time in Tucson I guess.
But each one to his own..........and I have my countdown which nevertheless, everyday, brings a smile to my lips by virtue of being one less. ...... 41 and counting. :)
p.s: If I sound disgruntled, its probably because I am.
Oh come now, you would be saying. A place isn't hostile by itself, your attitude is. Well for me, the only oasis in Tucson was Luann. I still believe she is God's gift to me and without whom I would not have survived the "life" here. I have made friends in Tucson by freak accidents, :) commonly shared blog interests (Ramya -I also took my first driving steps in her car), reading, hobbies, movie fans, old friends(Vishnu :) and friendship ties that brought her to Tucson) and working relationships (Lopa :) and our forays to Starbucks). If anything I have been so surprised by the relationships in Tucson that last for the semester, till when you need to have group work and projects and assignments done together. And then its just a hi or maybe not even that. And maybe I should not blame it on people, but on the fact that nobody has time for friendships outside of courses. But coming from where I did, it took me two years to figure that out. And believe me I am still trying to adjust. :) So if its an attitude problem, I am sure its not mine alone.
Ofcourse, we are all in that fearless twenties. Everybody get-set-go on their careers. The most lucrative job, the most comfortable life (your slice and only yours)....... its more about holding on to those dreams and making them come true than anything else. Maybe sometime, when we are older we will have the time to look back on well-established careers and then concentrate on the respective social circles. I just happened to catch people at the wrong time in Tucson I guess.
But each one to his own..........and I have my countdown which nevertheless, everyday, brings a smile to my lips by virtue of being one less. ...... 41 and counting. :)
p.s: If I sound disgruntled, its probably because I am.
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