There are two roads in front of me now....I can choose to stay and continue for my Masters, and I can choose to give up and go home. I still can't figure out whether I am the one giving up so easy ........why so ...when I can see people take up the load with smiles. Is it a question of attitude....... well that was always something I had to work on.
There has been a point in my life where I have done this turning back stint already. I left my school in class 5 because I got admission in one of the best schools in the city. After a month I came back to my old school because I could not adjust. I am asking myself whether I should let history repeat. Why is it that I am letting this "not-coping" bit go so to my head, I am not sure.
Maybe if I had a same frequency gang of friends, I probably wouldn't have had time to think about all this. And yes, loneliness leads to depression leads to frustration to .... vicious cycle as it is, once you are caught in it, it is difficult to break through.
The only thing I keep telling myself, is that things are bound to get better. I am bound to make friends and find the right kind of company to enjoy with, sooner or later. The only thing is , whether I will be able to hold on for so long.
I miss speaking to Shobana, Shalini, Vishnu and discussing the latest music, and movies. Going out together or just hanging around beside the lake. I so curse myself sometimes for having done what I did. How could I have left Hyderabad . Then I had told myself that I choose to do so. Now even if I want to, I will not be able to choose to go back to Hyderabad . What I can choose to do is leave studying for master's and the only thing holding me back is whether I will be able to justify this decision to myself in a year's time.
4 comments:
Lady.. you're homesick! and trust us you'll get over with that in no time,
We're missing you too..take care
Trust me, there are no two roads. If you quit and go back, you'll never be able to face yourself.
If possible, try to get your hands on this book "It's not about the bike - My journey back to life" by Lance Armstrong. It's one amazing book by an amazing guy who didn't quit although he had all the reason to.
You might be aware that Lance is a pro cyclist who has won the Tour-de-France 6 times in a row. And he has won them all after his treatment from cancer. He was a pro-cyclist earlier but he had won the tour-de-france before his affliction with cancer.
He describes in the book, how he took cancer as a challenge and fought against it. After all the debilitating chemotheraphy sessions that he had to undergo, he was totally weakened. He describes how he used to run out of breath and collapse when middle-aged ladies could cycle past him.
He in fact did give up in between and started playing golf. But he couldn't accept it that way and it kept bothering him. His wife and his friends didn't let him quit. If he had quit then, he wouldn't be the Lance we all know about. So inspite of all the odds, he started practising and practising, cycling for more than 6 hours a day. And the rest is history.
He won the Tour-de-France 6 times in a row.
Now why did I write such a long comment for someone I hardly know. Just like when Lance had almost quit, the support and encouragement that his friends gave him, kept him going and he mentions that in his book. In the same way, I hope I make a difference in your thinking and you can add a line about me in your auto-biography, when you make it big. :)
I'll be waiting for that time !
Look here someone who wants to have the past back ... tell you what - let someone come forward with a magic machine, and I shall readily exchange places - you take up this place in Hyd, I take up the place in the US of A - wheres the magic machince guy, anyone ?
I agree there are two roads..one in which you will face difficulty and other one is that in which you will face extreme difficulty.Choose always the later one as this is the road which leads to extreme happiness.
Live to ur extremes.Always be on the edge.Thats not just life, its a Rocking life.
Saurabh Anna
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