Reprimanding myself.

There are some things which I hate doing (like feeling sorry for myself) ....and those are usually the things I am ending up doing most of the time nowadays. It was of my own volition that I decided I am not going anywhere these holidays ....and then suddenly I had to fall sick which always takes a terrible beating on the emotional aspect of things. And thats it! Thats all I needed to feel sorry about ....about being left alone with no friends, nowhere to go and having only to work from 8-4 and then being too tired to explore anything else. The only thing I feel like doing all day is sleeping.

And if it had not been for me feeling unhappy and pitying myself at this moment then there are so many ...but so many things to do and laugh at. The most interesting would probably be the third point perspective. Standing aloof and looking at the world around you, whizzing by. I have led a comparatively sheltered life.............. no heart-breaks or heart-losses so far. And I have listened to both other girls and guys telling me about how they were let down. And somehow each side ended up saying that probably that is a characteristic trait of the other group. I wish I could tell them that it is the person and never the group that it is at fault. And speaking about fault, maybe even that I cannot be too hasty at judging.

I actually also screwed up one grade of mine.....and I think that is the cause that I am still deeply wallowing in self-misery/pity. Getting up and looking forward has somehow never been my cup of tea.

After a long time , yesterday I had to sleep with the lights switched on throughout the night becoz I was scared. Or was that also another emotional backlog !!!!

Usually at times like this only something drastic gives a sense of satisfaction. I was thinking of deleting my blog :) well thats only as far drastic as I can think. Unfortunately I cannot figure out how to do that and I need some pointers. Anybody out there ?????